No one cares but me
On being right. And an apology.
Aug 23rd
There are lots of people in my life who would probably tell you that I have an overwhelming need to be right.
They’d be right.
Ha. No, but really, I do like to be right. I like it a lot. But, believe it or not, I can admit when I’m wrong. It just doesn’t happen very often.
Again, I joke. I’m wrong all the time. I just approach being wrong with less enthusiasm than I approach being right. Generally speaking, I try not to shout from the hilltops about things, unless I’m pretty sure I’m right. Even then, I really don’t shout from the hilltops because that’s really obnoxious. At that point, it ceases to matter if I’m right or wrong and it only matters that I’m being an obnoxious prick.
I have confidence in my opinions and the things I believe because I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about them. I do the research, if I can. I study. I like to know things anyway, so it’s not really a chore. I am certainly not the expert on everything, however.
I would also never presume to tell you how to live your life (aside from this whole leggings as pants situation, and I think we can all agree that no one is listening to me anyway, right @gingermandy ?). Which is why I find “life coaches” or those “quarter-life crisis” types really irritating. Also, seriously, people. Twenty-five? It ain’t shit. It’s not a crisis. It’s growing up. It’s life. It’s figuring out who you are and who you want to be and how to achieve your goals and chase your dreams. It’s not a crisis. It’s LIFE.
/rant
And now I’m going to tell you about being wrong. Lots of people would probably say that I’ve been pretty unfair to men, in the past (I’d argue that it was mostly with damn good reason, but that’s not the point). Over the last, say, eight months or so, I’ve really been thinking about my attitude about men and what it says about me. I’m a feminist, yes, but I’m not the sort of feminist who dismisses opinions or ideas simply because they came from men. In my opinion, that diminishes the message and makes you a hypocrite.
What I never really saw, though, was how much pressure there is on men to be…well, men. It comes with very strict rules, you see. You must not be emotional. You must never appear weak. And above all, you must never, ever, in any way, appear to be feminine or gay. This can dictate your reactions, your clothes, your attitudes about everything and everyone.
Now, in my opinion, this speaks to the sad state of all things men and women, but today, I want to apologize. I want to apologize for anything I’ve said or done to promote a masculine stereotype that forces men to be anything but “like women.”
I don’t like crying, but that’s about people, not just about men. I will admit, that despite my best attempts to curb it, there is something more unsettling about a crying man than a crying woman. I’d rather not be around either, though. It makes me uncomfortable. I have no idea what to do or what to say. I think it’s safe to tell you guys that I’m a bit of an insensitive ass, so my only recourse is to try to make said crying person laugh. This doesn’t mean that my friends can’t come to me with problems. They just have to be aware that my default switch is set at “make the crying stop.”
Also, seeing someone cry makes me want to cry sometimes, and I don’t really like to cry.
(True confession: I totally cried at the end of a book a month or so ago. Like heaving sobbing had-to-get-a-box-of-tissues hiccuping crying.)
I’m apologizing because I don’t really ever want to spread around an opinion that promotes traditional gender roles. I don’t think the man needs to be the care-taker, any more than I think the woman must do the laundry. Such ideas are ridiculous to me. I mean, if that’s the way your relationship works out, I have no issue with it, but those aren’t the sorts of things that should be forced on someone just because of their genitalia.
Everyone is different. That’s what makes relationships so complicated. We all need and want just what we need and want. Some people are willing to make compromises, some aren’t. Some women want a nice guy, some want an asshole. Some men care about nothing but a skinny girl, some want to be with someone who is confident and smart. Some of us want it all, wrapped up with a lovely bow.
So while it’s easy to try to put everyone you meet in some neat little box, it just won’t really work.
I’m working on my attitude, and really learning to think about things before forming an opinion. I’m keeping in mind that it’s pretty ridiculous to pigeonhole someone simply because of gender, since I don’t like it when that’s done to me. I think it’s important to be cautious and to use your experience as your guide, but not to let your fear get in the way of something that might be good for you.
Life is hard, y’all. And this maturity thing is for the birds.
And a note to my girlfriends: If you’re going to get all outraged that he couldn’t look past the size of your ass and see the real and wonderful you as a human being? You best the fuck not count some guy out because of a bald spot. It oozes hypocrisy and it’s kind of disgusting. Also, he can probably do less about that bald spot than you can do about the size of your ass. Just sayin’.
Yes, this is coming from someone who doesn’t really like to date guys who are shorter, but there’s a REASON for that. Shallow as it may be. And it’s not even about height. So there. Also, I like to think I’d give anyone a shot who impressed me in some way, unless I just legitimately couldn’t stand to look at him. Funny goes a long way, but attraction is key.
There’s been a change of plan.
Aug 10th
I was going to write about a ridiculous cooking “class” my mom and I took at Williams-Sonoma (don’t worry, guys, I’ll get back to you in a little while), but I can’t focus.
And this is ALL MARIE’S FAULT.
Just so you know.
Yesterday she sent me this article about a new study that shows that girls are hitting puberty earlier than they were 30 years ago. You’ll probably read that and think, “What problem could anyone have with that?” And also, “OH MY GOD, MY DAUGHTER IS GOING TO START HAVING SEX AT EIGHT YEARS OLD!”
Yeah, no. In my opinion, that whole thing is just a scare tactic. And it’s made even more awesome because it’s aimed at fat kids (oh noes! Being fat means you might also be a slut!), white girls (don’t let them be slutty like those black girls!), AND tells you your kids might get breast cancer if you let any of this happen. I’m going to write more on this later, because I want to make sure I have my research done. But seriously, people, don’t panic. I’m pretty sure this is a giant load of bullshit.
THEN there’s this whole 12th and Delaware documentary. And while I’m super glad someone made it, I’m pretty bummed I can only watch it on HBO. This is the sort of thing that should be available to everyone, not just those who are willing to pay extra for premium cable channels. It’s cool, I’ll catch it on Netflix. It will be my first horror movie!
If you don’t know anything about it, it’s basically a documentary exposing so-called crisis pregnancy centers (CPCs) for the manipulative, lying, ridiculous pieces of crap that they are. And I’m sure there are some legitimate clinics out there, okay? But I’ve never come across one. It appears that these clinics will say anything to get women to continue with their pregnancies. And so my question to you guys is this: As a “pro-life” person, are you really okay with being lied to and manipulated by people who don’t think you’re smart enough or capable of making your own decisions?
And I’m not saying that to try to convince you that abortion is okay or right or acceptable. This isn’t just some feminist rhetoric. I’m legitimately curious. I’m want to know if you’re really okay with the people you support and claim to be fighting with doing anything it takes to “win” in this “battle”?
You can’t fight every kind of pregnancy prevention, except abstinence, and then take away every option women have when they become pregnant. It’s never going to work. Let’s all try living in the real world where people have sex (because aside from whatever fantasy land you choose, we have years and years and centuries of data to prove that people do, in fact, have sex). And having sex is pretty much the number one cause of pregnancy.
Because of that documentary, NARAL did similar studies on CPCs in California. I have to say, the results are no less disturbing on that side of the country.
I know this stuff isn’t interesting or entertaining or funny, but it’s important. Really think about this stuff, and decide how you feel. None of it is simple, none of it is easy, and we’re approaching these subjects from fundamentally different places. There really isn’t a middle ground, because the two don’t ever seem to meet up. It’s not one extreme end of a spectrum and the other. It’s two completely different spectrums. I don’t hope to change anyone’s mind, just encourage everyone to think before just blindly following something because of scare tactics or rhetoric. Do the research. Decide for yourself. And then insist that the people you support are fighting this fight with integrity.
Oh, and also…now we have to SAVE THE INTERNETS! Evil corporations. DOOM. Click. Read. Sign. (Also note that Google is a now a major player in this. Google who’s all about free-source code and blah blah the people having access, yada yada. It’s not good enough to just stop AT&T dudes. They aren’t the only bad guys here.)
Trust me, most of you don’t care about this. It’s all about the dancin’ today.
Jul 7th
Since season 2 of So You Think You Can Dance, I’ve been hooked. It’s probably because I spent most of my childhood dancing. Every season, I tune in to watch as little 18-year-old kids knock my dancin’ socks off. They do seem to be getting better and better every year. Well, sort of.
This season, however, the So You Think You Can Dance people changed the game. Completely. And they’ve gone and pissed me off. I’ve been meaning to write about it since the beginning, but I’ve been too busy.
The format is completely different. In a normal season, 20 dancers are chosen; 10 boys and 10 girls. They are then paired up with each other. Each partnership carries through to the top 10, unless one of the members gets eliminated. Every week, until the top 10, three of the couples are voted into the bottom six (by getting less votes than everyone else). Those dancers then perform solos for the judges and then the judges decide which guy and which girl will leave the show that week. Once the top 10 is reached, the couples are switched up every week and they all perform twice. Six dancers are still voted into the bottom, but the decision of who goes home is simply based on votes. The judges have no say.
I know, that wasn’t very exciting. But I had to explain!
This season, they elected to only choose 10 dancers to be on the show. Each of the 10 is paired with an all-star from a past season. Partners are switched up every week. Individuals are put in the bottom three and only one person goes home every week. Also, they decided to add an extra guy without adding and extra girl. Which just makes no sense. So we started with six guys and five girls and for the first three weeks? A girl has gone home. Now we’re left with six guys and two girls, which is just awkward no matter how you slice it.
There are so many issues with this, for me, that I barely know where to begin. First, I’m so pissed that they would cut in half the opportunity for new dancers to be discovered. Really, producers? If you want to do something new and different, FINE, but don’t punish the dancers. It’s crap.
Second, if you want to bring back all-stars, I’m all for it. But not like this. Give me an all-stars season. Maybe that should be season 10 or something? Two dancers from each season? Because right now, all you’re doing is making the new kids look sort of…lackluster. Also, maybe the viewers could have had some say in which all-stars you brought back, if you insist on doing it this way. Because frankly, I never needed to see Comfort or Pasha or Anya again. Like ever. And what have you guys done to poor Neil? His sparkle is all gone.
Third, at least, for heaven’s sake, switch genders for elimination every week. Good grief. It’s almost like you guys picked lame girls on purpose this season. Alexi, Melinda, and Christina were barely worth their spandex. And while some of the guys are amazing? They’re not all that great (Adechike, I’m looking at you, and Jose, you’re adorable, but you’re not really very…good). I know you’ll just claim that this is the way the voting worked out, but it’s completely uneven and it makes for less interesting group routines and partnerships.
I will admit that some amazing things have happened (last week’s Alex and Twitch hip-hop, for instance, which caused me to fall off my couch), and they’ve happened solely because of the partnerships with the all-stars. But to me, that’s still not worth sacrificing the opportunity for ten other dancers. Also, I happen to like the first few weeks of the competition when most everyone sucks and things are awkward. That’s when I pick my favorites. It’s like this season, they’re just expecting perfection from the get-go.
It really seems like the kinks are being worked out, as every week, something changes. First it was, “Oh, now the all-stars will stand on stage during their partner’s critique,” then “Oh, hey, maybe we should show you some of your favorite dances featuring the all-stars,” this week it’s “Oh, now we’re going to throw two performances at the new kids, and we’re going to pair them up together for the second one!” Yeah…clearly, you’ve made some mistakes and you know it as well as I do.
Also, if you’re going to show me “favorite dances” featuring the all-stars, why don’t you tell me a little bit about what they’ve been DOING since they were on the show? I’d really like to know. Get on THAT, would you? How that didn’t occur to anyone, I’ll never understand.
So far, about the only thing I can call a success is that the cutesy packages where they talk and learn the choreography seem to be shorter. In fact, the less chance you give them to talk, the better. That basically goes for any reality competition show. I really don’t want to hear why each person believes he or she should win. It’s awkward. If you insist on doing it, please keep it short.
Oh oh! And there seems to be less waltzing and quickstepping and such. I call that an improvement. Those are usually boring anyway. Although they do tend to separate the weak from the strong. For the last couple of seasons at least, I haven’t thought much of the choreography. There have been a few stand-out routines, but for the most part, it seems to have gone downhill. Say what you will about Mia Michaels, but her choreography is brilliant. You’re losing something special by having her as a permanent judge. I think she’s a wee bit crazy, but I generally agree with her assessment of the dancers, and I still think she’d be doing your show a major favor with choreography rather than judging. I miss the alternating third judge. I miss…Mary Murphy (I feel weird even saying that). I miss Shane Sparks. Napoleon and Tabitha are all right, but until last week (with Alex and Twitch), they hadn’t really impressed me in two seasons. They were back to the snooze this week. Hip hop ninjas? REALLY? That was corny as hell.
Basically, what I’m saying is: GET IT TOGETHER! These changes aren’t really adding anything. And I think you know it. Oh, and if you say the word “grow” in any form again? I’m going to come to the studio and cut you all.
Politicians, Happy Meals, and Prostitutes.
Jun 23rd
I’m sure you’ve heard about General McChrystal’s “incendiary comments” about…well, about everything. Mostly, I hear people feeling shock and outrage. REALLY guys? You’re SHOCKED that a lifelong military guy says bad words and doesn’t kiss ass and speaks his opinion? Sounds like just about every military guy I’ve ever known.
And really…the man is entitled to his own opinion. About the President, about the Vice President, about the war he was hired to fight; about everything. I may not (and often don’t) agree with everything the man says, but he should be allowed to say it. I’m sure getting a “talking to” from the President about calling Biden “short-sighted” was really exciting for a General in the US Military. So what if he thinks Biden is “short-sighted”? So what if he said that Obama seemed uncomfortable in a room full of military people? That’s his OPINION.
It’s entirely possible that Rolling Stone has no fucking place doing this sort of story anyway. If we, as American people, can’t handle the fact that the people we trust to defend our country have opinions and aren’t always politically correct, maybe we should keep the press out of the situation.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of war. I’m not even a fan of the way the military recruits and trains its soldiers. Read what I said there, okay? I’m not saying I don’t SUPPORT the military (though I don’t support rape or torture in any context, dudes) and have respect for the fact that they put their lives at risk to defend the freedoms I enjoy in this country. Got it? I’m just saying I wish we’d make some changes in recruitment, training, and the way women and homosexuality are treated.
(Despite how you may read that, I’m not suggesting that everyone in the military feels the same way about any given subject. Nor am I blaming rape and torture on the military. But in my opinion, which is really all I can give you on my blog, those things are issues that need to be addressed. In my opinion, the attitude toward women and homosexual people needs to be altered. That is a general statement and not meant about the thoughts of any individual serving in the military. I also sincerely doubt that I am alone in those opinions. Let’s also be mindful of the fact that I write these blogs in about 15 minutes and they don’t represent my complete thoughts about…anything.)
I guess all I’m trying to say is that I’m not at all shocked by the fact that a general in the US Military has differing opinions than politicians about the war that will never end in Afghanistan. I’m saying that I’m not shocked that some of his opinions involve curse words. I’m saying that I’m not the slightest bit shocked that when hanging with his crew, they make jokes about other people. And I’m saying that it doesn’t even phase me that the man has pissed off nearly everyone he’s come into contact with. None of that should really shock you either.
What should possibly shock you is that the Center for Science in the Public Interest is threatening to sue McDonald’s if they don’t stop “using toys to lure children to its Happy Meals.” No, I’m not joking.
Here’s a little secret, everyone: Children can’t drive. You know what that means, right? Unless you live next to a McDonald’s and you let your child run around without your knowledge, your kid probably isn’t getting to a McDonald’s if you don’t take it there.
YES, we have a problem with obesity in this country. YES, the children are fat. But seriously, it’s not McDonald’s fault. And even if they share in the blame? There are a couple dozen other fast-food joints out there who are doing the exact same things. How often do you see them getting sued for putting toys in their kids’ meals?
We should maybe all check ourselves a little bit and stop the blame game. No one puts food in your mouth but you. And you, as a parent, are responsible for your child’s food intake, at least until high school. I’ll admit that I wouldn’t want to wrestle with a teenager about nutrition, but we can add that to the many reasons I should never have kids.
Even better than that, the City of Arlington has decided that there’s too much prostitution going on in their parts. They’re proposing to ban people who have been convicted of any prostitution offense (within two years) from the Arts and Entertainment District.
I’m sorry, hang on while I laugh a little at calling anything in Arlington, Texas an “Arts and Entertainment District.” Get all pissy if you must, but when I think of Arts and Entertainment, I don’t even think of Texas, much less Arlington.
Aside from the obvious problem of enforcement (unless we’re going to start tattooing people’s foreheads or something), what about the way that this sort of…tramples on the constitutional rights of people who have served their time or paid their fine? No? We’re not worried about that, because we’re talking about dirty dirty people who would…PAY FOR SEX! Oh no!
Is anyone else kind of puzzled as to why the burglars and murderers get a pass here?
It’s cool, though, because they’re going to warn everyone who’s been convicted of such a crime BEFORE they kick them out and arrest them. Oh, and if you have a good reason, you’re allowed to be there. Good reasons include: You work there, you’re seeing a doctor, you’re seeing an attorney. Good reasons do not include: You’re going to a Cowboys game, you’re going to a Rangers game, you just fucking want to be because you have the right to go anywhere you fucking please as a free citizen of this state.
Police Chief Bowman? I hate to tell you this, but no, this is not “a pretty creative and innovative way to deal with one of the world’s oldest problems.” It’s nearly impossible to enforce and it seems in direct conflict with the Bill of Rights. But what do I know? I’m just a lowly archaeologist.
Personally, I love the way you guys contradict yourselves on the subject. (And being the cynic I am, I wonder how many of you public figures are partaking in the very services you condemn, but that’s a topic for another day.)
From the first page of the article: “It’s a family oriented environment. Visible prostitution on the streets could certainly take away from that ambiance,” said north Arlington council member Mel LeBlanc, who represents the entertainment district.
From the second page: The zone would provide another way for police to keep up with a changing illicit sex industry, which has become less visible with the advent of technology.
So it’s a problem with visible prostitution that’s no longer visible because of technology? Interesting.
This is all getting a bit old, isn’t it?
We have a connection. Technologically.
Jun 10th
Padding added to lamp posts in the UK, because people were injuring themselves while texting and walking.
So okay, yeah, everyone has already talked about this, but I’m going to do it again. You love me.
A couple of weeks ago, I had dinner with my mom and something basically punched me in the teeth. My mom’s phone. There’s an app for that (I wish. I would SO pay for a “punch people in the teeth” app. If it came with bail money and the ability to run really fast.), you know.
See, my mom and I have dinner every other Thursday (Oh, what? It’s Thursday! You know what that means. Tune in to Runsheet Radio tonight from 10pm-midnight!), but that particularly Thursday she…talked on the phone for more than three-quarters of our meal. I read a book on my iPhone.
Yes, we were those people. The people who meet each other for dinner and then instead of interacting with each other, we have our eyes and faces firmly crazy-glued to our phones. Awesome, thanks Mom! I feel special.
It’s not really her fault. Sort of. I mean, okay, it kind of is, but this time there was a good reason. Somewhat. It was work-related. A little. The 30-minute conversation she had with my Aunt about my grandparents probably could have waited until after dinner, though.
And the more I watch people, the more I see it. Couples out on dates to simultaneously check facebook on their phones. Families who can’t talk to each other, for fear of missing a Twitter update or a sports score. People who can’t even drive five minutes without checking their email (I would never!). The people who walk into lamp posts and street signs because they just Can’t. Stop. Texting. (People, let’s keep this one, okay? It’s really funny.)
Last night, I was leaving Starbucks, after my meeting with @justdevin to prep for our show tonight, and this couple in front of me was walking in the middle of my lane in the parking garage. Neither of them noticed because they were both balls deep in their phones. I couldn’t get around them because there were cars coming, so finally…I honked. In the parking garage. With echo. I’ve never seen a girl jump so high.
I’m pretty much always puzzled by the tweets I see in my feed from people who are all out together, theoretically to socialize. But instead, everyone is on Twitter. You know what I think that means? No one is having fun. This isn’t a hard and fast rule, but generally, if I’m out with my friends and I’m having a good time, I’m not thinking about pulling out my phone to let everyone on Twitter know how much fun I’m having. I’m too busy having fun.
There are exceptions, though. Like calling out @matrixmechanic for singing along with Ke$ha at a bar. Confession: I kind of like this Ke$sha chick (Boys try to touch my junk, junk). But @matrixmechanic is a 35-year-old former metal-head. Just sayin’. I’m allowed to make fun.
I guess I’m just wondering if we’re too connected. If by seemingly being able to be so “close” to so many people, we’re actually isolating ourselves more from the reality of the people around us. If by having any information we could possibly need or want readily available at the click of a button, we’re actually less smart than we used to be. If by being able to communicate every little thought we think to hundreds or even thousands of people, we’re actually making our thoughts less valuable, less important. Are we becoming individual, tiny, electronic islands, all loosely connected by a string of bandwidth?
I’m just as guilty of it as anyone else, so don’t think I’m trying to tell you guys you’re doing something wrong. I’m just wondering if it’s happening so gradually that we don’t even notice any more that we can’t focus on anything for more than three minutes. Are we even aware that when we’re out with our friends we’re on our phones instead of interacting with each other? Is that okay with you?
