advice

I used to work in new home sales. This means I was around a lot of men who build houses for a living. Men who build houses for a living, in my experience, are typically kind of…um, pervy. I was 19 when I started and, as I’m sure you can imagine, they really liked to fuck with me. Especially because at 19, I had led a pretty sheltered life. Calling myself naive would be the understatement of the decade.

Anyway, sometime during my six-year tenure with the pervy builders, I was introduced to what they called “the third date rule.” Since then, I’ve heard many people refer to the third date as the “sex date,” but this rule was a bit more involved. According to them, a woman must be prepared to make the sex with a man by either the third date or the point at which he has spent $150 on taking her out. Whichever comes first.

Now, of course she doesn’t KNOW anything about this. Oh, and my personal favorite man-thing? If she gives it up on the first date, she’s a slut. You shouldn’t waste your time. Never once did it cross their minds that THEY also gave it up on the first date. I mean, unless they just filmed her making the sex with someone ELSE on the first date. But not a one considered himself “slutty.” So a woman must be willing to give it all up by the third date (or the $150 mark) and no later, but also no sooner than the second date. I’m not sure what happens if you spend all $150 on the first date, as that has NEVER happened to me.

In fact, until Princess, I would say that no one had ever really spent a significant amount of money on me.

Well, I have my own “three dates rule.” In my opinion, three dates is the time you absolutely have to figure out if this person you’re going out with has what it takes to be in your life. If you decide that he doesn’t on or before the third date, I don’t think you owe him much of an explanation. Just a simple, “I’m not really interested” should suffice. And on or before the third date, your reason can be ANYTHING. He tucked his t-shirt into his underwear, he wore socks and sandals, he listens to Nickelback, whatever.

But you don’t owe him an explanation. Because the first three dates are just the interview process. And if I can’t figure it out in three dates, that’s usually my answer. Everyone is different though.

However, past three dates, I think you owe the other person an actual, truthful (but not mean) reason why you don’t want to be with him (or her). I don’t think you should be allowed to puss out any more, because you’ve put in a significant amount of time with another person. And that person DESERVES to know what happened. What changed. Even if it’s, “I met someone else and I think he’s better suited to me.” Or, “I just discovered that you listen to Nickelback.”

Breaking up with someone because they listen to Nickelback is ALWAYS okay. In case you hadn’t picked up on that.

I’m so tired of people pussing out. Of being too cowardly to be honest. Imagine all the over-thinking, over-analyzing, and misery you can save someone if you just take a few minutes to be honest. Of course, this also means you have to be honest with yourself. There’s no way to tell someone else the truth if you’re lying to yourself.

On a related note, this “I love you” thing has gotten way out of hand. Men (and I’m sure women) use it to get what they want without meaning it at all. And women (I don’t really know about men here) love the sound of those words so much. Want them to mean something. And when they don’t, it hurts.

Men, please stop throwing out the L-word when what you really mean is “You’re okay and I like hanging out with you for now.” Those are NOT the same thing. And if a woman hasn’t said it to you, please don’t say it to her if you don’t mean it. There’s no reason for that. If you want sex and she’s not giving it to you, find someone else. DON’T LIE about loving. It’s ridiculous.

Unfortunately for all of us, love is a completely subjective word. It means something different to everyone. Personally, I’m not even sure I know WHAT it means any more, with regard to a romantic relationship. Or if I’m going to feel comfortable hearing it in the near future.

But I can tell you one thing. I was completely and totally in LOVE with stealing internets from my neighbors. Yesterday, after at least eight months, my neighbors (assholes) secured their Wi-Fi. THEY PASSWORD PROTECTED IT AND LOCKED ME OUT. I thought we were friends! I thought they loved me as much as I loved them. But no. They just left me out in the cold. No explanation, no nothing. After EIGHT MONTHS of being together.

I almost cried. Now I’m going to have to…PAY for internets? That just seems wrong.