I’m sorry if I made you cry

There are lots of people in my life who would probably tell you that I have an overwhelming need to be right.

They’d be right.

Ha. No, but really, I do like to be right. I like it a lot. But, believe it or not, I can admit when I’m wrong. It just doesn’t happen very often.

Again, I joke. I’m wrong all the time. I just approach being wrong with less enthusiasm than I approach being right. Generally speaking, I try not to shout from the hilltops about things, unless I’m pretty sure I’m right. Even then, I really don’t shout from the hilltops because that’s really obnoxious. At that point, it ceases to matter if I’m right or wrong and it only matters that I’m being an obnoxious prick.

I have confidence in my opinions and the things I believe because I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about them. I do the research, if I can. I study. I like to know things anyway, so it’s not really a chore. I am certainly not the expert on everything, however.

I would also never presume to tell you how to live your life (aside from this whole leggings as pants situation, and I think we can all agree that no one is listening to me anyway, right @gingermandy ?). Which is why I find “life coaches” or those “quarter-life crisis” types really irritating. Also, seriously, people. Twenty-five? It ain’t shit. It’s not a crisis. It’s growing up. It’s life. It’s figuring out who you are and who you want to be and how to achieve your goals and chase your dreams. It’s not a crisis. It’s LIFE.

/rant

And now I’m going to tell you about being wrong. Lots of people would probably say that I’ve been pretty unfair to men, in the past (I’d argue that it was mostly with damn good reason, but that’s not the point). Over the last, say, eight months or so, I’ve really been thinking about my attitude about men and what it says about me. I’m a feminist, yes, but I’m not the sort of feminist who dismisses opinions or ideas simply because they came from men. In my opinion, that diminishes the message and makes you a hypocrite.

What I never really saw, though, was how much pressure there is on men to be…well, men. It comes with very strict rules, you see. You must not be emotional. You must never appear weak. And above all, you must never, ever, in any way, appear to be feminine or gay. This can dictate your reactions, your clothes, your attitudes about everything and everyone.

Now, in my opinion, this speaks to the sad state of all things men and women, but today, I want to apologize. I want to apologize for anything I’ve said or done to promote a masculine stereotype that forces men to be anything but “like women.”

I don’t like crying, but that’s about people, not just about men. I will admit, that despite my best attempts to curb it, there is something more unsettling about a crying man than a crying woman. I’d rather not be around either, though. It makes me uncomfortable. I have no idea what to do or what to say. I think it’s safe to tell you guys that I’m a bit of an insensitive ass, so my only recourse is to try to make said crying person laugh. This doesn’t mean that my friends can’t come to me with problems. They just have to be aware that my default switch is set at “make the crying stop.”

Also, seeing someone cry makes me want to cry sometimes, and I don’t really like to cry.

(True confession: I totally cried at the end of a book a month or so ago. Like heaving sobbing had-to-get-a-box-of-tissues hiccuping crying.)

I’m apologizing because I don’t really ever want to spread around an opinion that promotes traditional gender roles. I don’t think the man needs to be the care-taker, any more than I think the woman must do the laundry. Such ideas are ridiculous to me. I mean, if that’s the way your relationship works out, I have no issue with it, but those aren’t the sorts of things that should be forced on someone just because of their genitalia.

Everyone is different. That’s what makes relationships so complicated. We all need and want just what we need and want. Some people are willing to make compromises, some aren’t. Some women want a nice guy, some want an asshole. Some men care about nothing but a skinny girl, some want to be with someone who is confident and smart. Some of us want it all, wrapped up with a lovely bow.

So while it’s easy to try to put everyone you meet in some neat little box, it just won’t really work.

I’m working on my attitude, and really learning to think about things before forming an opinion. I’m keeping in mind that it’s pretty ridiculous to pigeonhole someone simply because of gender, since I don’t like it when that’s done to me. I think it’s important to be cautious and to use your experience as your guide, but not to let your fear get in the way of something that might be good for you.

Life is hard, y’all. And this maturity thing is for the birds.

And a note to my girlfriends: If you’re going to get all outraged that he couldn’t look past the size of your ass and see the real and wonderful you as a human being? You best the fuck not count some guy out because of a bald spot. It oozes hypocrisy and it’s kind of disgusting. Also, he can probably do less about that bald spot than you can do about the size of your ass. Just sayin’.

Yes, this is coming from someone who doesn’t really like to date guys who are shorter, but there’s a REASON for that. Shallow as it may be. And it’s not even about height. So there. Also, I like to think I’d give anyone a shot who impressed me in some way, unless I just legitimately couldn’t stand to look at him. Funny goes a long way, but attraction is key.