Archive for March, 2010
T-Minus 24 hours until the Vegan Experiment begins!
Mar 31st
It's Natalie Dee, y'all! Click the picture.
All right, guys, so if you read my last post, you know that starting tomorrow, I’ll be going vegan for the month of April.
I’m mostly doing it to clean out my system. Then when I add things back in, I can see how my body really feels when I eat them. I’m looking at you, cheese. And I love you. Oh, how I’m going to miss you. Don’t forget about me. It’s only a month. We’ll be together soon. I hope. Unless you’re part of the problem. In which case, we’ll probably be like long-distance lovers.
Whoops. Got a little off topic there.
First, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent me recipes or snack ideas or book ideas or websites to help me through this little experiment. You guys are awesome! (Just a Girl, What Kind of Girl, Graygrrrl, Natalie, Antje, and everyone else.)
A special thanks to April, who said that if I decide to be vegan for good, we can’t be friends any more. Because she likes her friends to eat cheese. Little did you know, veganism could end friendships.
I also want to take a moment to assure you guys that, well, I’m not an idiot. I have actually thought this through. I have a degree in biology. I’ve taken more than one nutrition class at a college level. And more importantly, this is only for a month. I do have a plan for eating protein, I am not going to starve myself, I do know that soy can be dangerous if eaten in large quantities, and I STILL don’t care about cows and chickens.
This isn’t just about losing weight, folks. Granted, I can’t imagine that this will cause me to GAIN weight. But I’m not doing this in an effort to become a stick figure. I’m doing this because I DON’T FEEL GOOD. Like ever. And I’m tired of it. So I’m going to essentially do a reboot. I’m going to clean all the crap out and give my body a chance to TELL me what it likes and what it can’t handle.
Yes, it’s going to be a long 30 days, but I’ll make it. Yes, I might slip up from time to time (accidentally or on purpose, it’s going to happen), but the key is to stay on track until May. I’m guessing that at the end of the experiment, I’ll end up some form of pescatarian (with an occasional side of bacon).
This week, I have been eating at least one vegan meal per day, to prepare myself and to see what my options are if I need to eat out during the month. The idea that I will have packed a lunch everyday is just ludicrous. I can barely wake up in time to brush my teeth.
What I’ve found is that there ARE ways to eat vegan in restaurants, but you really can’t listen to ANYTHING the people who work there tell you. It seems that no one really knows what “vegan” means. Yesterday, I decided that lunch would be my vegan meal, so I went to the little cafe where I eat regularly. Normally I have a club sandwich (no mayo) with a side salad. So when I walked in, the cook asked me if that’s what I was having. I said, no, that I was going vegan for the month of April, so I wanted to see if there was anything on the menu I’d still be able to eat.
One of the ladies who works there handed me a laminated card with specials on it. “Oh honey, we have plenty of options for you! These are all the things we have for Passover.” So apparently by “vegan” she thought I meant “Jewish.”
The specials were all full of cheese and eggs and even some meats. I said, “Well, most of these don’t even appear to be vegetarian, much less vegan.”
The other lady said, “Oh! We have a vegetarian sandwich. Why don’t you get that?”
I looked at it. While it does have vegetables, it’s also on bread (which has eggs) and contains two kinds of cheese. I said, “Um, why don’t I just do the Greek salad, but without any of the cheese.”
She said, “No cheese? Not even the feta?”
By that point, the whole thing was almost comical. So I just smiled and said no. When they brought my salad out? It had a beautiful piece of buttered bread sitting on top. Which I couldn’t eat.
People, this is hard enough without being tempted with cheese and bread over and over! Like I said, it’s going to be a long 30 days.
The Incredible Shrinking Shine
Mar 29th
I’m sure most of you know about a little group project (organized by the ever more fabulous, but still skinny bitch, LiLu) called In It To Gym It. If you don’t, click the link.
Basically, a bunch of us feel pretty out of shape and awfully alone about the whole thing. So we’re trying to support and motivate each other via blog. Since, ya know, most of us don’t live in the same city.
Much as I hate to do this, you can read my first post on In It To Gym It here. And then I don’t want to hear anything about it, mkay? I feel about as vulnerable posting that sort of thing as I did posting my Violence Unsilenced post. When you think about that, it’s kind of sad.
So here’s the plan. Just so you bitches can hold me accountable. We’re all going to Vegas in May, and I? Would like to not feel like hiding the whole time I’m there. I hate that it’s something we so easily judge others for, but we do. And right now, I’m feeling really yuck about nearly everything in my life. So my weight is going to come off. Starting now.
Well, starting yesterday, really.
I’m doing Jillian Michaels’s 30-Day Shred. Everyday. No, not five or six days a week. EVERYDAY. For at least 30 days. I started yesterday, and let me tell you…I’ve never cursed at anyone as much as I cursed at Jillian. I think she likes it. (I’m going to write up a post about my workout yesterday at In It To Gym It. I’ll post a link on my Twitter, if you want to follow along. Or you can just read it yourself, here!)
The other part of the plan is that, for the month of April, I’m going vegan. Yes, VEGAN. Now, don’t worry. This is not going to suddenly cause me to care about cows and stuff. I’m not going to start preaching to you about the junk you put in your mouth (TWSS). I just want to see how my body will feel if I stop feeding it so much crap.
I’m hoping that this will at least break me of my greasy food habit, as it’s hard to eat greasy vegetables. I know for a fact that red meat and pork hurt my stomach. I was eating a primarily pescatarian diet for a while, and I felt so much better.
I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t I just go vegetarian? And the answer, my friends, is CHEESE. And dairy products in general. I want to see how my body feels if I cut out the dairy. And I want to stop myself from eating cheese with everything. This will also make baked goods a serious problem. Because I’ve never met a baked good without eggs.
Since the goal is to lose weight, I chose to try something that I felt would assist me in my goal. And it’s only for a month. After the month is over, depending on how I feel, I will probably slowly add fish (possibly chicken) and dairy back into my diet. But hopefully the dairy will be in smaller doses.
If any of you guys are vegan and have any great recipes or tips to share, I would love to hear from you! Drop me a line at shine [at] ishineoutloud [dot] com.
It’s Friday, we should break up – Grandparents on the internets
Mar 26th
Picture from Cracked.com, click picture to read article on the 4 stages of life on the internet.
If you follow me on Twitter (what? You don’t? Well, now you can’t say I’ve never asked…do IT!), you might have seen this tweet last night. (Ooohh, you can’t see it because my profile is blocked? FOLLOW ME, duh.)
I think that pretty much says it all, but we’re still going to go back to the beginning. You see really, it all started with someone thinking it would be a good idea for my Nana and Pops to have iPhones. Let me be clear, I think sometimes working the DVD player is hard for them, and my Pops and I once had a 30-minute conversation about whether the remote control that came with his laptop was a remote control or a mouse. Guess who won that one? Yeah, not me. I gave up.
Despite all evidence to the contrary, someone in my family bought them iPhones. AND taught them to text. This has already resulted in many unfortunate minutes of my life being disrupted (I know…poor me, I have to read texts from my grandparents).
For instance, in August at 12:25 am, I received this text from my Nana: “Shine, are you out there?” The answer is YES, BUT I’M SLEEPING.
And who could forget the great holiday texts of ’09? Feel free to not READ the long ones. I’m just including them for effect.
From Nana on my birthday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the first born of a new [a bunch of last names with a royal persuasion]. We love you and believe in you. May the new year reveal God’s next phase of your destiny. Blessings!
This one isn’t so bad. Except I’m an atheist and I don’t believe in destiny. Small potatoes, really.
From Pops on my birthday: h a p p y. B i r t h d a y. Precious one. Pops
Then later on my birthday: love ya. Birthday girl. Pops.
From Nana on Christmas (and try to imagine this on an iPhone screen; it took at least three scrolls to get through it): Hope your Christmas was nice. We missed being with you and your family. We had a good time with [blah blah family members]. [More family members] came in this morning, and Mother has gone back to Manchester with them. They’ll leave for Texas Monday morning so we’ll go back to Manchester then and stay until we leave for home. I hope you will enjoy your Christmas gifts but if you prefer something else, feel free to return it to Coldwater Creek. I gave all the females the same thing (scarves were different) and even purchased one for myself. It’s chilly in [family member's] house so I’m sitting here wrapped on mine right now. Love you very much and hope to see more of you in the new year. –Nana
This one is bizarre for several reasons. Not the least of which is that she IS my family. I’m not sure what imaginary family she was talking about, unless this is more wishful thinking about me getting married and having children. Also, on Christmas day? I drank vast quantities of mimosas and played Wii Cheer.
From Pops on Christmas: Merry Christmas. pops & nana
From Pops, sometime in March: good morning special Shine, —hope you are having an excellent day… thinking of you often and hopeing solid going well…………. wih it would be possible to be together more. Pops
I still don’t really know what “hopeing solid” was supposed to mean, but I moved past it.
The thing that I love about them is how VERY different they are about texting, but that they BOTH feel the need to sign their names to every text message. And just by the way, the random ellipses, spaces, and dashes are present when he types, too. And it’s not that there’s anything wrong with them sending me text messages. I mean, I do have a problem when my Nana writes me a mini-novel, and this happens pretty much every time she texts me.
But then, last Saturday, came one of the scariest grandparent texts I’ve ever seen (which is including the time Nana asked me if I knew how to build a website).
please call me
I need tutoring about
YouTube
facebook please help
pops
There’s no reason for my Pops to even know what YouTube IS. My first thought was to find the crazy person who told him about this stuff and beat him senseless.
I texted him back and explained that this wasn’t really something I felt I could explain over the phone, but I could possibly come up to his apartment and explain it in person. His response?
I would love to see you.
I thought u could explain over the phone.
I know I could learn more in person.
What time would that be if u could come ?
As I write I trying to think of a way that would encourage that to happen !!!!! Pops
Thanks for this text. PS
He’s so cute, right?
Well, now, he’s on the facebook (most of his reaction to the things on facebook was, “How do people have time for all this silly stuff?” Right on, Pops). AND he wants to start a blog (I set one up for him. His first question, “How can I make it so people can pay me for stuff?” I don’t think he gets it). Oh, and he just sort of invented the idea of Etsy, without realizing there was an Etsy (He said, “Oh, I could just find the people who make things and then I would sell the stuff on the internet for them. I could be the middle man!” Oh Pops, no one needs a middle man any more). And when he says, “Now, can this link to my emails?” I have no idea what he means. AT ALL.
I did manage to convince that YouTube was a place he should never go. I was concerned, much like parents who don’t want their children to run willy nilly around the internets because they might stumble across some porn, that my Pops would stumble onto some…porn. Or, magic carrots forbid, find some way to MAKE videos or something.
You see, my Nana came up with this awesome online business plan. She’s a really good decorator. So she thought she would make videos of herself decorating tables for parties, which she would then make into a DVD, and sell on the internet. Immediately, my concerns were this:
1. They don’t have (nor do they know how to operate) a video camera.
2. If they managed to procure a video camera AND figured out how to use it, they have no idea how to upload video to their computer.
3. If they did get through steps 1 and 2, they have no idea how to upload video content to the internets.
4. Even if they managed to get through steps 1-3, why on earth would anyone want to buy a DVD of my Nana decorating a table when they could just GOOGLE MARTHA STEWART?
And all of this? Is what happens when my Nana is without a job for two months. My Pops wants to be all over the internets, and she’s got him trying to build websites and sell decorating DVDs.
Additionally, he sent a reminder in his phone that I was coming up to visit him. When the alarm went off to remind him, he thought I was texting him, so he texted me back, “See u then !!!! Pops”
You see why an iPhone is wasted on him, right?
Today’s blog is brought to you by the letter “I’m old.”
Mar 25th
Okay, yes. The grammar above makes me cringe. But Marie and I tried fruitlessly to come up with a catchy slogan-thing for this and that’s the best thing our brains could find. It’s a play on “women’s rights,” yo. Shut up. Don’t forget to post your contribution to Women’s Writes on Monday, April 5. Email me a link (shine [at] ishineoudloud [dot] com) and I’ll post it here. DO IT!
Okay, so maybe “I’m old” isn’t a letter. Whatever.
I so wasn’t blogging today because I’m lazy, but then I went to lunch.
There are really only about three places to eat near my work, so I’ve been to each of them several times. Because of this, often the servers recognize me. It’s been two years, y’all. And I’m a memorable girl. Anyway, I hadn’t really been to this particular establishment in a while, but they have yummy pasta and my tummy was all, “I NEED YUMMY PASTA FOR LUNCH AND IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME YUMMY PASTA, I WILL MAKE YOU MISERABLE.” Yes, even my tummy uses commas and punctuation.
So I went to the restaurant, sat down with The Purity Myth (I deserve a new pair of shoes for not gathering up all the abstinence “educators” I can find and locking them in a basement indefinitely), and ate my pasta. The waitress was one I had before, but not in a long time.
When she brought me my check, she said, “Do you have a sister?”
I said, “No.” This is a lie, but for the purposes of her line of questioning I didn’t think an entire family tree was in order. If you need to know, I’ll happily go through it with you.
She said, “Oh really? There used to be this girl who came in here all the time. She looked just like you.”
I asked, “Are you sure it wasn’t me?”
She said, “Well, she had red hair like yours, but…well, she looked younger than you.”
“Uh, yeah…are you sure it wasn’t me?”
This conversation went on and I’m pretty convinced that it was, in fact, me. So today, dear readers, I look significantly older than I did three months ago when I last ate at this restaurant. That’s just SAD.
Vasectomies!
Mar 24th
Okay, yes. The grammar above makes me cringe. But Marie and I tried fruitlessly to come up with a catchy slogan-thing for this and that’s the best thing our brains could find. It’s a play on “women’s rights,” yo. Shut up. Don’t forget to post your contribution to Women’s Writes on Monday, April 5. Email me a link (shine [at] ishineoudloud [dot] com) and I’ll post it here. DO IT!
~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~
I have some questions about vasectomies.
Yeah, I’m not even going to ease into this one.
When I got in my car to drive home on Monday, the guys on my radio were talking about vasectomies. I listen to sports talk radio, so it’s not like I expect a lot from these guys. But what I wasn’t expecting was to hear one of the guys completely against the procedure. And even making fun of men who had vasectomies.
I mean, I get that having a vasectomy means your little swimmers can’t get out into the world. But that makes you less of a man?
I couldn’t write down what he was saying, since I was driving, so I recorded it in a voice memo on my phone. Some gems before I started recording:
- Vasectomies are just a way for wives to control their husbands
- There is no legitimate reason to ever get a vasectomy
- Birth control pills are 100% effective
- The only real reason to get a vasectomy is if you’re cheating on your wife
- You wife wants you to get a vasectomy so you won’t cheat
ONE guy said all that. It sounds a little contradictory to me. And ANYONE who thinks that The Pill is 100% effective is just ridiculous. Not only does it say on the package, but even the 98% efficacy is only if you take it in a very specific way. Otherwise, it’s more like 90%, even if you take it everyday.
Don’t even get me started on condoms.
He was basing all of this on the fact that he went 35 years without getting someone pregnant. He didn’t get his wife pregnant until HE was ready to have a baby. And if you ever get pregnant without meaning to, it’s because you’re not so smart.
I’ve never really thought about this from a man’s perspective. Since I’m not a man. Here’s my favorite quote:
If they take away…what you do best, and that is potentially make babies…they own you. What have you got left? What have you got left if your virility is gone?
So I ask you, men, is this how you feel about the idea of getting a vasectomy? And I’m talking about getting one when you’re done having babies. If babies are what you want. Does the idea of simply cutting the little tube where the sperm goes from manufacturing to shipping make you feel like less of a man? Even though you’re still PRODUCING the sperm, and all the hormones you need to function as the manly man you’ve always been. Is your manliness really solely dependent on your ability to impregnate?
