While I do have something on the TMI front, I’m not yet ready to put it into writing. So instead let’s talk commercials.
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Dear McDonald’s,
Really?
I listen to the radio a lot. And frankly, your new commercial about the dollar menu items on your breakfast menu…makes no fucking sense. Why would that mean I can hit the snooze (seriously, that word looks SOOOO ridiculous to me) button? This commercial would make total sense if you were, say, extending breakfast to a later hour. But the fact that it only costs $1 makes no difference to my schedule.
I still love your French fries,
Shine
~~~~oOo~~~~
Taco Bell,
I’m not even sure I need to say anything. Especially because the entire country is laughing at you for telling them they can lose weight by eating your food. The best part of your commercial? The fine print at the bottom directly contradicts the words coming out of the skinny lady’s mouth. Truly awesome, I have to say. In other news, no one believes you.
Saying “taco” makes me giggle,
Shine
~~~~oOo~~~
Dear Burger King,
You suck. That fucking clown mascot thing you choose to put in my face scares the everloving CRAP out of me. I hate you and I will never eat your food.
You have no redeemable qualities,
Shine
~~~~oOo~~~~
Okay, this isn’t exactly a commercial, but to the people who shove menus in my door frame? You’ve just guaranteed that I will NEVER order food from your establishment. EVER. Please tell your boss that he’s just wasting paper. Oh, unless you’re from King China and you’re at Gofahne’s apartment. She puts that shit to good use, and I excuse it because I didn’t have to remove it from MY door. You may continue. But only you.
~~~~oOo~~~
Dear The Makers of Whatever This Thing is,
You give me the lulz. Keep doin’ what you do.
Laughing hysterically,
Shine
| Print article | This entry was posted by shine on 01/21/2010 at 12:46 pm, and is filed under Uncategorized. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. |
about 7 months ago
Have you seen the new McSnap wrap commercials? Creepy. And Taco Bell is a little late on the “fast food diet” bandwagon.
I would like to see someone who isn’t already incredible shape use that ab circle thing. I feel like it’s probably a lot harder than they make it look.
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Blogging is a Thing of Beauty =-.
Mary´s last blog ..Blogging is a Thing of Beauty
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shine Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 3:46 pm
But dude. It’s HILARIOUS!
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about 7 months ago
You can hit the snooze because now, with such a cheap, simple, DELICIOUS (?) option available, your lazy ass doesn’t have to get up early enough to make and eat actual food for breakfast.
Maybe.
Aside: I put that question mark there to convey my sarcasm, because, McDonald’s – gross, but I’ve just learned there is a new punctuation mark. I repeat: A NEW PUNCTUATION MARK! Called the “SarcMark,” it apparently looks like an upside-down @, and you can, get this, BUY IT as a downloadable font or some nonsense. Look it up. A sarcasm-conveying punctuation mark might have come in handy here, but I am not paying for it!
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shine Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 3:47 pm
They’re CHARGING for that shit? Ridic. I’ll just count on my ability to shoot my sarcasm DIRECTLY THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER.
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about 7 months ago
that stupid Mickey D’s commercial bugs the CRAP out of me because breakfast ends at 10. So, no, you can’t just sleep in and keep hitting the snooze button because breakfast won’t be served past a certain time.
.-= deutlich´s last blog ..Love Harder =-.
deutlich´s last blog ..Love Harder
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shine Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 3:47 pm
It kills me. It really does. And I feel like I hear it like 12 times a day.
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about 7 months ago
You’ve seen the new McCrap wraps, right? It’s basically a Big Mac cut up and put into a tortilla, making it even easier to shove into your face. Next up, the McBlend Mac, where they just blend the entire burger into a thick paste and fire it into your mouth from an air cannon as you speed by the drive-thru window at 35 mph. Being morbidly obese has never been so efficient!
.-= Jay´s last blog ..Workplace Poetry =-.
Jay´s last blog ..Workplace Poetry
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shine Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 3:48 pm
I…I…the graphic is so…stunning. You really should have gone into cinematography.
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about 7 months ago
Hahaha sad part? My roommate believed the Taco Bell diet. She was like, “Let’s try that!” I think her belief stems from her undying love for the cheesy gordita crunch.
.-= Late-Night Drama Queen´s last blog ..Love Harder =-.
Late-Night Drama Queen´s last blog ..Love Harder
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shine Reply:
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:18 pm
She did not. Actually, I’ve had a roommate like that. She had trouble with the door locks, too.
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about 7 months ago
That Burger king guy is creepier than inappropriately friendly clowns.
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shine Reply:
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Agreed. And fucking Jay Ferris found this picture of him…scantily clad and lying on a bear skin rug in front of a fire. AND THEN HE SENT IT TO ME.
I’m still considering sending him a bomb in the mail.
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about 7 months ago
Thank you for understanding that King China does not count. Also, they are appropriate and staple the menu to the bag once you’ve ordered (even though I have seen there menus on other doors) …they damn well know not to leave crap on my door. And hello, isn’t that just a straight up sign to break into an apartment? Hi, I haven’t been home…welcome to my pad burgle fools.
.-= Gofahne´s last blog ..LOVE Harder =-.
Gofahne´s last blog ..LOVE Harder
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shine Reply:
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Oh, um…I never pull those things off my door handles and shit. I refuse.
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about 7 months ago
Dear all of the above,
You owe me approxiamately 18 hours of sphincter massage for all that time spent on the toilet crying in agony over the last 15 years of my life.
p.s. i still love your french fries mcdonald´s
tmi? either that or I´ve been reading Jay´s stuff too much
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shine Reply:
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Neither. That’s how we roll around here. I wrote a lovely little post about assploding in the office bathroom a while back. And I have a story coming up about how I pooped myself as an adult person.
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about 7 months ago
For complete coverage of “UFC on Versus 1: Vera vs. Jones,” stay tuned to the UFC Rumors section of MMAjunkie.com.
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shine Reply:
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Obviously, my spam detector is not functioning at optimal parameters.
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