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Lately, I’ve been censoring myself in some serious ways. Some family members read my blog, as do most of my friends, a couple of coworkers, and a couple of other sensitive people.

And guess what.  This is MY blog.  You don’t have to read it.  You don’t have to like what I say here.  You don’t have to come back.  Because I write this for me…mostly.  I mean, okay, I’ll admit that I’m in it to try to entertain you guys and I like it that people read it.

But I don’t write this to make everyone happy.  I write it to make me happy.

So here are some things I’d like to let you in on (some of them you already know):

  1. I don’t really like children.  I’m not going to apologize or feel bad for it any more than I would ask someone else to apologize and feel bad for liking children.  I am going to complain about screaming children and useless parents on this blog.
  2. My relationships all have ups and downs.  If you’re in one with me and you care so much about what complete strangers think of you, you should probably get out now.
  3. I just sneezed on my keyboard.
  4. If you’re my friend and you choose to read this blog, sometimes I might talk about you.  Please try not to get upset about it.  I’m rarely out to hurt you, but I will talk about the things that you do that amuse me.
  5. Princess and I broke up and he requested that I not talk about it on my blog.  I’m now announcing that I find that request to be bullshit, for several reasons.  Not the least of which is that most of you don’t know who he is in real life AND it’s (as established above) MY BLOG and I can talk about whatever I want.
  6. Sometimes I drink.  Get over it.
  7. I’m probably going to talk about sex, bathroom stuff, food, sex, men, women, relationships, grocery stores, football, sex, current events (RARELY, I get most of my news from Twitter), commercials, work, people, clothes, shoes, cake, and a whole bunch of other trivial things.  If you’re not interested, don’t read it.
  8. I don’t really care about the way I’m “supposed to be” or “should be.”
  9. I hate clichés.
  10. I love you all and my little corner and I’m really not even talking to most of you.

So I’m done censoring for other people.  I said I wasn’t going to do it and then I started doing it without really thinking about it.  It’s over now, people.  Be afraid.

Obviously that’s just silly.  I’m not scary.  But I’m tired of writing my blog by other people’s rules.