Welcome to the new regime.
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It all started with the thought, “Ugh, I’m THIRTY now, I should maybe take better care of my face.” And off to Sephora I went.
Cue disaster for my checking account.
The scene:
Me, at Sephora, looking at stuffs, trying not to attract attention. Sales people EVERYWHERE trying to lure me in to all their expensive stuffs. This time, at least the crazy man didn’t touch me like usual. Though he did TALK to me. About my coat.
Finally, realizing I had no idea what I should even be looking for in a a face wash, I walked up to a sales lady and said, “Hi. I’m like, 30 now and I really feel like I should be taking better care of my face. Any ideas?” She looked at my face all judgmentally and said, “You look a little oily. And you have two blemishes. Any other problem issues I need to know about?”
OUCH.
Mind you, this woman had on more makeup than a gaggle of drag queens on a Saturday night. And she would be LUCKY to have my face. But she didn’t blink an eye when I said I was 30, so I felt like I must be looking old that day. And the trouble begins.
I don’t know how many of you have ever seen The Truth About Cats & Dogs, but I LOVED that movie when it came out. Mostly because I LOVE Janeane Garofalo. And my favorite scene has always been the one where she ends up at the department store makeup counter and the sales lady makes her feel old and ugly, so she ends up buying all this makeup and stuff.
You know the one. Right?
Saleslady: We also have this new face cream which neutralizes the free radicals that attack the skin. Let me ask you: what’s your skin regime?
Janeane Garofalo: My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?
Yeah, I basically lived that yesterday. And I am the proud purchaser of a new skin “regime.” AND a Sephora beauty rewards membership, oh help me god. I went in for tinted moisturizer, which I bought, and came out with $300 of new skin regime and some stuff I can’t even really identify.
In other news, while rock climbing this weekend (despite a sinus infection AND a bum foot), I managed to show my friends my wedgie. Aren’t they lucky? You see, I was wearing running tights, which I like to climb in because they’re comfy and stretchy and they don’t get all out of place and such. Well, this particular pair is not the regular kind. They’re more cloth-like. I stretched them a little too far and…HELLO SHINE’S ASS! I’m so pretty.
| Print article | This entry was posted by shine on 02/01/2010 at 9:25 am, and is filed under idiocy, it's all about me. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. |
about 7 months ago
YEAH you are.
$300? I think I just threw up a little. I hope it’s worth it!
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Miracles =-.
Mary´s last blog ..Miracles
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 1:59 pm
We shall see…I really don’t believe in beauty products as a general rule. But I was all caught up in the FREE RADICAL ATTACK.
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about 7 months ago
I am so very sad I missed the wedgie…and you in Sephora. I hope they work on commission because that chick is ROLLING in the monies today. I’m sure you didn’t need any help being pretty in the face, but I’m proud of you for having such grown up stuff. When I’m 30, maybe I’ll grow up too!
.-= April´s last blog ..A Week in Review…random and useless is in the eye of the beholder =-.
April´s last blog ..A Week in Review…random and useless is in the eye of the beholder
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 2:05 pm
I’ve never been treated like such a VIP. It was kind of awesome.
Not the wedgie. I don’t want to talk about that part.
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about 7 months ago
You know, I’ve seen that ass. You posted a picture of it one time.
Got me in crazy trouble with the wife.
But yeah, skin cream and stuff.
No tanks.
P.S. Having oily skin just means that you will be less susceptible to wrinkles as you get older.
That’s a win!
.-= Travis´s last blog ..Memoir Monday: Yesterday. =-.
Travis´s last blog ..Memoir Monday: Yesterday.
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Oops. I guess I talk about my ass too much.
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about 7 months ago
I think faces are generally pretty good at taking care of themselves. Other than a little moisturizer when things get crusty, I doubt all those fancy-sounding products actually do anything.
But umm, congrats on your purchases.
There’s a Sephora coming to a mall here and people (mostly female people) seem pretty excited, so what do I know.
.-= Phronk´s last blog ..Guns N’ Roses (with Danko Jones & Sebastian Bach) at the John Labatt Centre, Jan. 25 2010 =-.
Phronk´s last blog ..Guns N’ Roses (with Danko Jones & Sebastian Bach) at the John Labatt Centre, Jan. 25 2010
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Dude. I’m a GIRL. I might get WRINKLES.
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about 7 months ago
Um yeah you’re totally not old or ugly and you definitely do NOT need all that crap. I mean, yaaay skincare or whatever but dang. Sephora is outrageous. Want me to stab that saleslady bitch?
.-= Just A Girl´s last blog ..Really Starbucks? Really? =-.
Just A Girl´s last blog ..Really Starbucks? Really?
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 2:06 pm
I only bought face wash and moisturizer. I mean, as far as the “regime” goes. The other stuff was like, um, makeups and crap I didn’t really need. Aside from the tinted moisturizer, which was why I went into that place. Help!
[Reply]
about 7 months ago
I had the Sephora experience too, although mine was not as severe. I came in looking for something to get rid of blackheads and was directed to all these weird creams and face masks and “vacuum” things (who wants to vacuum their face?) and wound up spending $50 on come clay mask. So far so good but I won’t be visiting there anytime soon simply because the workers are like vultures!
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shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 2:19 pm
I saw something about a vacuum. I just assumed it was in case my face was all lint-tastic.
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about 7 months ago
“No. You and I combined make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.” Great Movie…
And the same thing happened to me when I went to get my eyebrows done… But I returned it all the next day (granted, I had to make something up about my imaginary dermatologist getting mad at me…). Why are we so weak in the face of scary ‘skin experts’ that wear too much makeup??
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shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 2:39 pm
BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT WRINKLES!
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about 7 months ago
WEDGIE! i’m sorry, that’s all i could really focus on.
i lied. the beauty insider rewards dealio is the only way to buy things at sephora. you get amazing deals!!
.-= cavy´s last blog ..that time i didn’t remember anything, sans alcohol =-.
cavy´s last blog ..that time i didn’t remember anything, sans alcohol
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about 7 months ago
well, i’m certainly interested to hear a review of this fabulous new regime once it’s been in place for a while…
.-= Alice´s last blog ..weekended! or, I HAZ A TATTOOO! =-.
Alice´s last blog ..weekended! or, I HAZ A TATTOOO!
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Oh, I’m sure you’ll hear a sorrowful lament about how I spent extra money on a REGIME and it FAILED. I totally feel like a dictator or something right now.
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about 7 months ago
It took me a long time to figure out my skin care regimen and what worked for my face. At night I was my face with dish soap. Yes I said dish soap. The same stuff I use to wash my dishes I use to wash my face. In the morning I use regular dove soap and Neutrogena face wash with the energizing cleansing beads. I’ve always had pretty good skin so this works very well for me, for some I can see why it wouldn’t.
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 4:19 pm
I have pretty good skin myself. But turning 30 sort of made me think twice about possibly uh, ya know, monitoring the quality of the crap I put on my face.
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about 7 months ago
Uh… Why did you go to Sephora without me???? You are in time out and not allowed to purchase crazy skin care anymore without supervision!
PS- you did buy good stuff, but “designer” cleansers are the “super size” of the skin care world. Totally useless, yet we feel we must do it. Quit it!
.-= Graygrrrk´s last blog ..It Isn’t So Much Random, As It Is Planned =-.
Graygrrrk´s last blog ..It Isn’t So Much Random, As It Is Planned
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 4:20 pm
It was only face wash and moisturizer. Nothing crazy. And it might have been a good time to switch things up. I can always go back to Aveeno if this stuff doesn’t do anything special. I’m THIRTY! I need expensive products! BOTOX!
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about 7 months ago
Wow $300? I feel like I’m spending too much when I splurge on Aveeno! Do you get a refund if you still get a zit every once in a while? For $300 you’d think you’d be getting some sort of guarantee!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Kind of All Over the Place =-.
Erin´s last blog ..Kind of All Over the Place
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about 7 months ago
I’ve tried everything in the world and am easily distracted by salespeople and will hail their advice like the word of god. Until I get home and their oily lotions make me break out. So I really have no room to comment on a $300 Sephora purchase but what I can tell ya is if you order stuff online from there you get a million free samples. So far I think I’ve supported Sephora through college and bought it a house.
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about 7 months ago
You’re thirty?!? Holy shit! I don’t believe you. Did you know your hot? I’m married, but I wanted to let you know.
.-= KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..I’m Getting Stupidr =-.
KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..I’m Getting Stupidr
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about 7 months ago
How is your miracle product working out?
I went to Sephora for the very first time last month and managed to blow $45 on Christian Dior eyeshadow (I blame temporary insanity). I think the woman who was helping you was the same woman I tried to ignore. She saw my deer-in-the-headlights expression and thought that she could somehow comfort me, but repeatedly asking “are you sure you don’t want any help?” only made it worse. I was in full cosmetics-overload and the only cure was to get the hell out of there. The upside to my traumatic experience was that the cashier complimented me on my coat, go figure.
[Reply]
shine Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Oh my gosh! You’re alive!
Sephora is overwhelming for those of us with little cosmetic experience, it’s true. Did you get the Dior Blackout? I LOVE IT. But I won’t buy it often.
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