Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen!  It’s time for LiLu’s TMI Thursday.

TMI Thursday

This TMI Thursday post was actually inspired by the lovely and delightful Travis. You’re reading Travis, right? I Like to Fish? C’mon people, click the link.

A few weeks ago, he wrote a special post about his penis. In which he sort of, kind of, maybe informed the whole internets that his penis is small. Or at least he implied such. Now I can’t confirm or deny such rumors, but I can tell you that his blog caused me to have a really interesting conversation with one of my coworkers.

So I’m blaming Travis for this, obviously. Even though really, it could probably be construed as my fault. Here’s what happened (my goodness, that was a brilliant transition, no?):

I read Travis’s blog and sat at my desk in stunned silence for a good five minutes. I mean, that guy just said…I mean, he just…but he confessed…hhhhmmmmm…HE JUST SAID HE COULD FIT HIS PENIS IN HIS WEDDING RING.

Now, granted, he also said that his wedding ring was really large. I tried to find a picture of a size 16 ring, but I couldn’t, so let’s just say it’s pretty big, dudes.

Okay, so I’m sitting at my desk, in stunned silence because well, no matter how big the guy’s ring is, I’m looking at my fingers and even if his fingers are twice as big that’s not a very big penis, but then I’m picturing huge penises on a hand like fingers and that thought makes me giggle.

Cue coworker walking in and sitting down for a chat. Now, this coworker isn’t really like all the other (read: He’s a pretty cool kid) and we’ve been friends for a while now. Suddenly, out of my mouth pops the most awkward question you could really ever ask a coworker: “Uh, could you like, um, could you fit your penis in one of your rings? And if you could, wouldn’t that mean your penis was pretty small? I mean, even the biggest of fingers aren’t really penis-sized…right?”

He looked at me for a second, as we both absorbed the awkwardness of the conversation. Coworker looked at his hands, which are roughly the same size as mine. He looked at me for a beat. Then he said:

“Shine, I don’t know how to tell you this, and I probably shouldn’t tell you this because man this is awkward, but…a while back, I was on a long car trip and I really had to pee. I didn’t want to pull over, so I figured I’d just pee in a water bottle. And Shine? I couldn’t get my penis in the water bottle. I had to look around for one of those wide-mouth gatorade bottles. If you know what I mean.”

I’m pretty sure at that point, my eyes widened to about the size of saucers. I probably giggled. Mind you, I had listened to this kid have sex for a month one summer, so I certainly knew he was capable of causing some moaning and groaning. His girlfriend does always seem quite happy. But I had never really contemplated his penis before. Ya know, ’cause we’re friends. And friends don’t contemplate each other’s penises.

Okay, sometimes they do, but not in this case.

After we spent some time not looking at each other and giggling, I explained the reason I was asking the question in the first place, and we both decided that it must be true. Poor Travis just confessed to the internets that he has a small penis.

And you can see how this conversation is all his fault, right?