Christmas in July!
Gotcha! It’s not Christmas in July and I don’t have any presents for you. But I do want to talk about presents.
I like getting free stuff as much as the next kid, but I don’t understand all the rules that exist about gifts.
I guess if I had one wish it would be this: I wish all the people of the world would stop being so ridiculously sensitive.
Okay, that probably wouldn’t be my one wish (if I only had one). But let’s pretend for right now.
When someone gives you a gift, particularly if it’s a birthday or Christmas gift, it comes wrapped with all these conditions. You must pretend to like it, even if you don’t. You can’t return it or give it to someone who might enjoy it. You have to wear it, display it, make mention of it around the person who gave it to you.
Why?! If you’re not just giving someone a gift out of obligation, which, in my opinion is what birthday and Christmas gifts usually end up being, why wouldn’t you want them to be happy about the gift they’ve received? I don’t understand. And if you’re not allowed to give any feedback, as the receiver of the gift, how can the gift-giver expect to improve in the future?
Instead, you’re trapped in this vicious circle of pretending to like crocheted belts or diarrhea-colored shirts or purple anything and receiving something similar every time there’s a gift-giving holiday.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I’m actually not against gifts. I like to give people things. I sometimes even like to get presents. I just don’t like the pressure that comes along with the whole thing (also, I suck at surprises in either direction). And I don’t like feeling obligated to give someone something just because it’s a convention (or receiving something out of obligation). What if I want to give you something on May 10, but you’re birthday isn’t until June 15? Or deal with the stress of buying Christmas gifts for everyone I know (last I checked, I don’t get a raise in December and all my bills stay the same…)?
I think the whole gift thing would be so much better if we could all be honest with each other and no one felt forced to give something or like something. People even get offended when I tell them not to buy me presents. Or they argue with me about it or tell me I have a problem. Or my favorite, when asked by my family to make a Christmas list, I got complaints about the things ON the list. “Socks? That’s no fun!” But what if I need socks? (This is a hypothetical. I actually have a bazillion pairs of socks.)
I also have this tiny thing. See, if you think you know me well enough that you should buy me a gift, I think you should know me well enough to be able to get me something I’ll enjoy. Without me having to make a list of things you should give me. That takes all the fun out of it. And so, if you don’t know me well enough to be able to purchase a gift for me without me telling you what to buy? I’d rather you just not buy me anything. I have a job, I receive a paycheck, I can buy stuff for myself. (This entire paragraph is null and void if you want to buy me a car or a beach vacation.) Why on earth should we trade the same $30-value-of-gift back and forth year after year?
I was thinking about this because I heard a guy on the radio telling his co-hosts that someone got his two-year-old daughter a Barbie. He told his friend that he thought the gift was inappropriate for his daughter’s age, and that if the guy wanted to take it back, he should. Then the phones blew up with people calling in to tell this guy how rude he was. I’m sorry, what? He doesn’t get to be the one who judges what’s appropriate for his daughter? Why should he take the gift (and cause his friend to be out the money for the gift) if he was just going to throw it away or give it away?
Putting aside all my many other issues with Barbie, how on earth is a Barbie appropriate for a two-year-old? There are small pieces and parts, which a kid could swallow. It’s not like two-year-olds understand fashion or really like to dress things up. Or that your average two-year-old could even get the clothes on and off a Barbie. Those things are tight. So what’s the problem with telling someone, “Hey, I really appreciate you thinking of me/my daughter, but this gift isn’t really appropriate right now”?
What do you do when you get gifts you don’t like? Do you think you’d want someone to tell you if your gift wasn’t well received?
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about 1 month ago
This is why I love Christmas with my family – we don’t do gifts. The whole gift giving thing just really sucks as you get older because you already buy almost everything you want or need. So even if you think of something the recipient would love, who knows if they already have it or not?
On the Barbie thing: I wouldn’t have said anything to the guy. I would have just put the Barbie away until she was more Barbie aged. It wasn’t a completely inappropriate or dangerous gift (like he gave her a bottle of wine or a set of knives) so I think I would have just said “it’s the thought that counts.”
Lisa´s last blog ..Mmm- smells like soap and burning
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shine Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Yeah, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just don’t get why it’s so unacceptable to be honest. I don’t think the guy did anything wrong by saying something. Especially if he wasn’t rude about it.
And what if he just doesn’t want her playing with Barbies ever? My Aunt didn’t want her kids playing with any toys that could be considered violent. So every time someone got her some a toy with a gun or something, she would have to deal with it. And I’m pretty sure she would say that she didn’t want her son to play with things like that. I don’t see a problem with saying something, otherwise, you’ll just have to keep dealing with the same gifts in the future.
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about 1 month ago
This is why I love the Victorian custom of opening gifts in private–no pressure and you can form a nice, honest thank you and send it along in a note once you’ve gotten over the initial reaction, whatever it may be.
That old saw about it’s better to give? Well, someone has to receive, sure, and a simple thank you is the polite reply and, really, is that so much to ask? You could go so far as to make it a general thank you for thinking of me if you don’t particularly like the item in question but there’s no sense in being obnoxious on either end.
If someone is gauche enough to ask, later, how you’re enjoying the whatsit they gifted you and you regifted it, exchanged it or whatever, why not just say it’s been put to good use? Hasn’t it?
Scraps´s last blog ..the Medicine Cabinet in Your Kitchen
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shine Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 11:51 am
Oh, I’m not condoning rudeness. I absolutely think that saying, “Thank you for thinking of me” is an acceptable response. That’s rarely the end of it, though, in my experience. I just think we could all do with a bit more real in our lives. A bit more honesty and a bit less sensitivity.
I just don’t really like to lie. And I’m sick of all the politically correctness. I tend to think that if you ask my opinion, you shouldn’t be upset when I give it to you. Especially if I’m not rude about it.
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about 1 month ago
I would have just put the Barbie away till my kid was older, then claimed it a gift from me. When I was a kid I used to make Barbie and Ken do it. I had a sick mind even back then.
lbluca77´s last blog ..I bet even Murtaugh and Regina George saw this coming a mile away
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shine Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
This is why I love you. I did the same, but in secret!
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about 1 month ago
Ohmygosh, I was just bitching about gift giving the other day. However, mine applies to wedding showers. I have a friend who is getting married in a few months, and she has already had two bridal showers. Why should I feel obligated to buy this girl two shower presents and one wedding present because she chose to get married? I’m sorry, but just because you are getting married doesn’t mean you should get to bankrupt everyone’s wallets.
It’s kind of like people inviting a lot of guests to a wedding just so they can get tons of presents. I even had my fiancee’s mother tell us that we HAD to invite a great aunt of his because she would give us a lot of money.
Isn’t the point of having a wedding to share a joyous and happy occasion with those people closest to you? Not just to try and get shit out of it?
Sorry, I just went on a major tangent there, but it kind of applies, right?
I love how your blog always stirs up good questions and you aren’t afraid to say what’s on your mind.
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shine Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Yeah, I can’t even really get started on weddings and shit. I don’t want to get married. Is anyone going to give me presents for being single and self-sufficient? No. So sorry, but you don’t get presents just because you decided to partner up. Fuck that tradition.
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about 1 month ago
i just hate the attention. i’m really bad at lying (in most situations) so opening something that is absolutely ridiculous right in front of the person and pretending i like it is near impossible. not because i’m going to make a frowny face, but because it’s hard to contain my laughter when someone gives me a Disney pajama set at the age of 19 (it’s happened).
Weddings are the worst though. You’re going to go with your fiance to a store, pick out everything you want, then i’m going to print off that list, buy you a salad bowl set, and you’re going to act surprised when i give it to you at the shower your friends coordinated for you? fuck you, twat. get your own damn salad bowls.
gingermandy´s last blog ..Protected- I just need someone to listen to me heygingermandy@gmailcom for the pw
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shine Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Yeah, one Christmas, four of my relatives chipped in to buy me an extra-large men’s flannel shirt from Target. It cost $20 and was four sizes to large (I was in high school). Granted, I was going through my grunge phase, but…FOUR PEOPLE chipped in for that. If it’s the thought that counts, what kind of thought was that, exactly?
And I can’t even get started with presents for weddings and babies and stuff…it makes me a wee bit stabby.
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about 1 month ago
I’m totally feeling you on this one. Lately my sister has been buying extravagant gifts for birthdays. Since there are 7 kids in my family we do secret santa with a $50 limit. She goes out and buys my other sister Hawks tickets worth about $180 making us all feel like a bunch of cheap asses.
Really? Is she doing this to rub in it our faces that she makes the big bucks and we poor people are eating McDonalds for dinner?
Her birthday is coming up and I have yet to decide what to do about the gift situation.
Tracie´s last blog ..Ive been a bad- bad blogger
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shine Reply:
July 29th, 2010 at 8:57 am
That’s just crappy. I’d get her whatever you’d normally get her (or nothing at all) and not worry so much about what she thinks. She’s clearly the one in need of validation. Plus, if I were you, I’d be dropping hints about a beach vacation or something.
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about 1 month ago
I’m totally with you on this post. This is one reason I absolutely DREAD Christmas with my dad’s side of the family. Nobody puts any thought into gifts.. think $10 Outback giftcard… and my grandparents, who used to.. have now kinda “lost it” and my teeny sister gets an XXL Christmas sweater, my FOURTEEN year old brother gets Legos, and I get a migraine. At least the Xmas sweater gets recycled for UGLY sweater parties, but still. And I can’t (and refuse to) open up japanese anime playing cards from cousin John and say, oh thank you thats so kind thank you for thinking of me. Hope you enjoy your bottle of scotch motherf*er.. Now, with my bf at least we have a mutual understanding that if either of us does not like it… we simply say it and take care of it. I really appreciate the sunglasses but I think I’d like them better in black so I’m going to exchange them. Mmkayy kisses and rainbow sparkles love you thanks! Easy peasy.
Jenny DB´s last blog ..must see- the earthlings
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shine Reply:
July 29th, 2010 at 8:58 am
I know. I will never understand what’s so wrong with just saying, “You know, I think it’s great that you thought of me, but is it okay if I exchange this for X, which I’ve really been wanting?”
Who cares?
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about 1 month ago
Oh god, presents scare the living fuck out of me (I don’t know what ‘the living fuck’ is, but it’s very scared).
I used to tell people not to get me gifts, and outside of parents and siblings there were one or two people who ever got presents from me or who were allowed to give presents *to* me.
I’ve got over my fear of recieving gifts, now. My ex was very, very good at buying me things I liked (the perfect plain cross necklace; a ticket to the most fucking amazing festival; a really lovely pair of earrings, completely unprompted, because he was away for a few days), and anyway, there are very few people who buy me things and they ARE people who know me well enough to do so without needing a list.
My family still get given a list because that’s partly just a handy way of getting things I want or need but can’t afford myself. LIke a new watch, camera, wool, etc.
Some people are dead easy to buy for – my friend A was overjoyed when I told him we were going to the theatre for his birthday, though we *still* haven’t gone. And once I knitted him a scarf.
Other people – like my ex – know them as well as you possibly can, you still can’t necessarily think of a good present for them without consultation, because you’ll know they’d appreciate e.g. a new lens for their camera, a bit of kit to improve their sound system, a whisky decanter… but these are all very specific and if you get the wrong one that’s just no good. So you do have to ask. And also those things are *expensive* and I am poor and there is nothing worth giving as a gift to your boyfriend for ‘£20 or less’. And he has more money than me. If he wanted a fucking new lens, he’s far better placed to afford a decent one himself.
I find all of these things way too scary, which was why it was a fucking pain that we got back together a week before Christmas. And no surprise if I was snappy and grouchy until after Christmas, and no surprise when we broke up not a million years later (getting back together never works anyway, folks, please DON’T add Christmas to the mix).
The thing is none of this would be half so scary if we weren’t so uptight about the whole darn thing. If I could just say, ‘I’d really like to get you *category of item*, what do you think?’ or ‘Do you mind if we skip presents this year and go out for a really good meal/other exciting day out at a later date?’ Or even, ‘YOU ARE WAY TOO DIFFICUL TO BUY FOR. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you but WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?’ without that being a terrible reflection on me as a person.
Anyway – I’m increasingly into experiences-as-gifts. For really good friends/siblings/partners. Men especially are hard to buy concrete things for, and they probably don’t give a damn about Things anyway. So I’m getting more into saying, for your birthday let’s go to London/a spa/sky-diving/the Moon. Far more memorable than a fucking jug to put whisky in.
Sadly his new girlfriend got there first and took him to Dublin for his birthday. I would have probably got him that whisky decanter. You can see why she wins, right?
Jenny´s last blog ..My Weekend
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shine Reply:
July 29th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Haha. I feel like nearly everyone in my life would say that last thing to me. “YOU ARE WAY TOO DIFFICULT TO BUY FOR. WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?” And I’d rather have a nice dinner or something than have to tell you what to buy me for a present. It just takes all the fun out of the whole thing to already know what’s in the box.
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about 1 month ago
Here here!!! Gift giving kind of sucks. I try to get around it by making a simple list for my folks at Christmas, yet they cannot even follow that. Seriously people, I’m trying to SAVE you money!
PS- Couldn’t he have saved the Barbie for a couple years? I mean, he’ll have to shell out $30 or however much those things cost now eventually.
Graygrrrl´s last blog ..Holiday- Day Two
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