• Lacking motivation.

    So yesterday, I wrote you this grand post about running. And how I’m doing it. And how it’s okay to start slow and how it hurts and how it sucks.

    And then yesterday, I went running and pretty much failed miserably and kind of burst into tears. Which is pretty unlike me. It was pure frustration, though.

    It was a giant fuck you to the societal pressures that tell me no matter what shape I’m in or how much weight I lose, I could always be skinnier. (Ones I can usually ignore.)

    It was my own inner need to not fail at any cost ever and also be perfect.

    It was being so tired of worrying about my shape and body all the time.

    It was gaining that 15 pounds.

    It was running for 6.5 minutes and then having to stop, when a couple of months ago, I could at least get through a mile.

    It was knowing that, even with people watching, I’m going to quit. Knowing that I’m not really pushing hard enough. Knowing that I might never get there.

    BAM. Tears.

    See, I’ve been trying and trying and trying to save money. I want to quit my job and start my own business, but I need a bit more cushion to do that. So I cut out most of my extraneous expenses.

    Running? Is mostly free.

    All the physical things I enjoy? Are mostly really expensive.

    So what’s a girl to do?

    What I really want to do is eat a cheeseburger while my body sorts all this out on its own. If anyone figures out how to make that happen, please let me know immediately.

    Everything is so messed up in my head, and I know that I’ll eventually fix it, but it’s probably not going to be today.


  1. AuntBT says:

    Try fast paced walking first. Don’t run immediately. You’re probably pushing yourself too fast too quickly, and that’s why you’re getting frustrated. I tried the C25k too, and quit after 3 weeks. I just couldn’t keep up. I’m walking now, and I can feel that I’ll be able to bump it up to a jog pretty soon. Also, if you can find a running/walking buddy, that will help. Support and accountability. Good luck!!

  2. Antelope says:

    The best advice I ever heard, back when I was a runner and not a couch jockey, was that every every every person has those days. For some people it’s feeling shitty and not being able to finish their 20 miler, and for some of us it’s not being able to finish our 10 minutes, but either way it’s going to keep happening, and so some days you just have to call it and start again the next day. I guess it’s like an AA approach to fitness: don’t let what happened today ruin the rest of the week/month/year.

  3. Alice says:

    it drives me NUTS that one day i can go out and do my little 2 mile loop with only a BIT of walking, and the very next time i go out i can only make it the first 200 feet without needing to stop and walk. WHY. WHAT THE HELL. I HATE RUNNING. SRSLY.

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